i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
