so that wasnt chicken after all
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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