I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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