I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
