Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We left the knife in your bed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
