Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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