When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
