Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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