he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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