if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize