i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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