i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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