i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
