I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
