i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
