New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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