matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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