Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
