walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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