Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
