Midget sex pt 2 tonight
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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