either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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