Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
