"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
