ugly people sure do ruin things
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
