Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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