I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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