There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
