His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
