Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
