birth control should be required to get into college
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
