also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
