So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
