Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
