my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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