final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Welp...herpes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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