Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
