I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
