I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I deserve to be covered in dicks
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
