i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize