He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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