I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
