That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
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