Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
