I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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