He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
