my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As shirtless as possible
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
