"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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