i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
should my penis look like a turkey
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize