I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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