You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You smell like stripper and shame
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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