You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
