guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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