I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
