All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
