seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
