I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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