Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
