no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
