she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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