dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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