Please, let me fuck your mom
No more Irish car bombs ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
