Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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