Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
